this post is suuuper long sdjks it's just me trying not to stress so much over the pressure of school and grades.
my 8th grade ELA teacher told us that she made it through college the second time and that it's ok to try again
so a lot of this is centered around that nd also what ray told me after i opened up about it.
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y'know what. i think i'll be fine with my grades. or, i'll try not to be so worked up over it.
my grades don't effect my worth as a person. i can be a good kid without having perfect grades.
i have a wonderful smart friend, he's a sophomore with autism who takes freshman classes both because he either didn't get credit or didn't pass said classes. but i still know he's smart and is capable of doing great things. i still know he's a good guy that isn't lazy or stubborn.
and does it really matter if i don't pass these classes on the first try? why should i care if i get shamed? there's second chances for a reason. i can get back on that horse and try again to better myself. why should i be embarrassed for doing it a second time? at least i'm still trying to finish school, right? should i have tried harder the first time? yes but, i was incapable with how bad my mental state had gotten. should i feel bad about having to retake classes? no, because not everyone gets things on the first try. i am still able to finish school and will try my best to.
also, i think it's pretty dang great that i've made it this far and i've only gone to summer school twice (and the second time was just to make up for skipping lunch). my adhd/add makes it hard for me to learn like other kids. i can't focus or process things like they can. my mother knew this and has tried to put me in one of the districts programs since i was in elementary to help me but, i was never accepted and the school i'm at now just doesn't know that i have adhd/add.
i've been making it through all of my school years in regular classes + AP classes despite how hard it's been being wired differently and i really do congratulate myself for that even with my depression and anxiety getting in the way at times.
& my bad grades getting in the way of my future? i'll deal with that when the time comes. i'm sure can still accomplish my goals.
despite my jokes about being dumb and the fact that i don't know things others do know, i am still an intelligent and talented individual.
i can still do incredible things. i can be enough without gliding through school with perfect grades. i won't let myself be shaken down by being called a "disappointment" or an "embarrassment" because i'm still trying. i'm still a good kid.
my 8th grade ELA teacher told us that she made it through college the second time and that it's ok to try again
so a lot of this is centered around that nd also what ray told me after i opened up about it.
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y'know what. i think i'll be fine with my grades. or, i'll try not to be so worked up over it.
my grades don't effect my worth as a person. i can be a good kid without having perfect grades.
i have a wonderful smart friend, he's a sophomore with autism who takes freshman classes both because he either didn't get credit or didn't pass said classes. but i still know he's smart and is capable of doing great things. i still know he's a good guy that isn't lazy or stubborn.
and does it really matter if i don't pass these classes on the first try? why should i care if i get shamed? there's second chances for a reason. i can get back on that horse and try again to better myself. why should i be embarrassed for doing it a second time? at least i'm still trying to finish school, right? should i have tried harder the first time? yes but, i was incapable with how bad my mental state had gotten. should i feel bad about having to retake classes? no, because not everyone gets things on the first try. i am still able to finish school and will try my best to.
also, i think it's pretty dang great that i've made it this far and i've only gone to summer school twice (and the second time was just to make up for skipping lunch). my adhd/add makes it hard for me to learn like other kids. i can't focus or process things like they can. my mother knew this and has tried to put me in one of the districts programs since i was in elementary to help me but, i was never accepted and the school i'm at now just doesn't know that i have adhd/add.
i've been making it through all of my school years in regular classes + AP classes despite how hard it's been being wired differently and i really do congratulate myself for that even with my depression and anxiety getting in the way at times.
& my bad grades getting in the way of my future? i'll deal with that when the time comes. i'm sure can still accomplish my goals.
despite my jokes about being dumb and the fact that i don't know things others do know, i am still an intelligent and talented individual.
i can still do incredible things. i can be enough without gliding through school with perfect grades. i won't let myself be shaken down by being called a "disappointment" or an "embarrassment" because i'm still trying. i'm still a good kid.
on May 31, 2020
on May 31, 2020
on May 31, 2020
sometimes, i forget how racist my father is and it's so disappointing.
he's a mexican man with considerably dark skin and faces discrimination from the white people he works with yet,
he doesn't think twice about treating black people the same way.
just now, he's disregarded the protests and their purpose because of the riots + looting. he runs off his mouth like he knows everything about it.
he doesn't care because, to him, it's just an excuse to steal things like shoes. he See More doesn't care at all.
and i can't tell him anything because i'm just a "zoomer" or a "zapper" and I'M the one who doesn't know anything.
it disgusts me.
he's a mexican man with considerably dark skin and faces discrimination from the white people he works with yet,
he doesn't think twice about treating black people the same way.
just now, he's disregarded the protests and their purpose because of the riots + looting. he runs off his mouth like he knows everything about it.
he doesn't care because, to him, it's just an excuse to steal things like shoes. he See More doesn't care at all.
and i can't tell him anything because i'm just a "zoomer" or a "zapper" and I'M the one who doesn't know anything.
it disgusts me.
on May 31, 2020
all that’s internalized racism, and i feel bad for him.
i had to deal with something like that when i was going to a majority white private school. everyone was against gays and stuff, and that was the time i was trying to come to terms with my attraction to girls. i got the idea in my head that all gays are bad and that they’re disgusting and pride parades are See More awful. it wasn’t until i accept who i was that i got out of that dark place
i’m not sure if your dad will be able to maneuver his way out of that dark place, but i hope he does. i sympathize with him. internalized prejudice, whether it’s homophobia, racism, or sexism, all stems from a place of insecurity and it’s SO hard to get out of. i’m sure it’s hard to deal with, and it’s in no way justifiable to say things like that though
i had to deal with something like that when i was going to a majority white private school. everyone was against gays and stuff, and that was the time i was trying to come to terms with my attraction to girls. i got the idea in my head that all gays are bad and that they’re disgusting and pride parades are See More awful. it wasn’t until i accept who i was that i got out of that dark place
i’m not sure if your dad will be able to maneuver his way out of that dark place, but i hope he does. i sympathize with him. internalized prejudice, whether it’s homophobia, racism, or sexism, all stems from a place of insecurity and it’s SO hard to get out of. i’m sure it’s hard to deal with, and it’s in no way justifiable to say things like that though
on May 31, 2020
on May 31, 2020
i asked my mom and she said we couldn't protest but she'll see if she can donate :)
she also said she would look at the petitions to sign
glad she actually cares
she also said she would look at the petitions to sign
glad she actually cares
on May 30, 2020
people will really look at what's happening and say ""all lives matter!!""
tell that to your precious cops idiot
tell that to your precious cops idiot
on May 30, 2020
https://act.colorofchange.org/sign/justiceforfloyd_george_floyd_minneapolis/?sp_ref=641186367.176.207236.o.1.2&referring_akid=.7605433.WY5J7q&source=c2c
another petition you can sign
another petition you can sign
#JusticeforFloyd: Demand the officers who killed George Floyd are charged with murder. | ColorOfChange.org
Sign the petition: Demand all the police officers are charged for murdering George Floyd.
on May 29, 2020
i shared petitions to my mom in hopes she would sign and she told me to go to sleep
i hate it here
i hate it here
on May 29, 2020
i talked to my mom about my phobia issue nd i'm probably gonna get a blue canary night light
heheheee :)
heheheee :)
on May 29, 2020
on May 28, 2020
kinda long. just talkin about how i think i might have a phobia??
idk i just can't sleep and i dunno how to fix this
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i think i might have Nyctophobia/ Scotophobia ???
i dunno. i've always been unsettled by the dark. y'know, the usual "mistaking a pile of clothes for a monster" thing
and i've always been pretty paranoid about what might be in the dark that i couldn't see.
but i think it's gotten worse now. i can't sleep. as soon as i turn the light off, i'm terrified. i feel like i see something moving
or something that's just there. normally, i would just hide under my blanket but even then, i'm still scared out of my mind that something is there and it's gonna pull the blanket and "get me". or, i'm scared of peeking from my blanket and seeing something horrifying.
i can't have all the lights in the room on but, even with one light, i'm still paranoid that there's something i can't see in the closet or shadows of my room. even in the day, i can't have the light off unless the sun is completely out or i'm distracted.
i've always had insomnia but i feel like this fear/ paranoia i have is going to make it worse. it's been like this for a few days now.
in reality though, i feel bad for auster. having this one light on all night for every night is gonna bug him a lot.
idk i just can't sleep and i dunno how to fix this
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i think i might have Nyctophobia/ Scotophobia ???
i dunno. i've always been unsettled by the dark. y'know, the usual "mistaking a pile of clothes for a monster" thing
and i've always been pretty paranoid about what might be in the dark that i couldn't see.
but i think it's gotten worse now. i can't sleep. as soon as i turn the light off, i'm terrified. i feel like i see something moving
or something that's just there. normally, i would just hide under my blanket but even then, i'm still scared out of my mind that something is there and it's gonna pull the blanket and "get me". or, i'm scared of peeking from my blanket and seeing something horrifying.
i can't have all the lights in the room on but, even with one light, i'm still paranoid that there's something i can't see in the closet or shadows of my room. even in the day, i can't have the light off unless the sun is completely out or i'm distracted.
i've always had insomnia but i feel like this fear/ paranoia i have is going to make it worse. it's been like this for a few days now.
in reality though, i feel bad for auster. having this one light on all night for every night is gonna bug him a lot.
on May 27, 2020
that's it i'm not drawing ever again
i'll never top this
this sailor moon redraw i drew
that's the pinnacle of my career
i'm going to retire now
i'll never top this
this sailor moon redraw i drew
that's the pinnacle of my career
i'm going to retire now
on May 26, 2020
me: my thumb hurts so bad from this drawignnfgnngn ouchie,,
ray: hey so i had an idea
me: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/553/696/a42.jpg
ray: hey so i had an idea
me: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/553/696/a42.jpg
on May 25, 2020
ray said i could draw him as the sailor moon art meme this is the greatest moment of my life
on May 25, 2020
don't even know what he said after that, i didn't even read it
i just saw the notif nd then deleted him from my dms
take a hint meat-head
i just saw the notif nd then deleted him from my dms
take a hint meat-head
So ur username is clown.head but you did the opposite of clown shit. very proud of u for keeping the clown name a business thing. Good job. Good.
on May 25, 2020
on May 25, 2020
my ex just texted me, "hey uh, you probably don't want to talk to me--"
after i've been ignoring all of his messages
haha!!
you're right, i don't :) idiot
after i've been ignoring all of his messages
haha!!
you're right, i don't :) idiot
on May 25, 2020
on May 25, 2020
the thunder came back as soon as i posted that oh no
on May 25, 2020
on May 25, 2020