What is your horrible horoscope?

What is your horrible horoscope?

Wondering what your personality problems really are? Now, with a number of completely random and unreliable test questions, you can determine which neuroses suits you best!

published on April 07, 201461 responses 2

What ruins your day the fastest?

Other people.
my bad luck.
A positive STD test.
My friends being eaten by lions.
Having to fight with rats for food.
Being ignored until the feces in my body becomes too much and I explode in a skin pore.
Exterminators.
Vehicles. I could have sworn that was one hot momma, not a Buick.
Naturalists who don't think I'm real.
Being run over by cars or chased by farm dogs.
When I see that asshole in the mirror.
My tail falling off as a defense mechanism against predators. What a bummer.
Not skeeving off someone else's lunch.

Which of these is most appealing?

a fresh turd
someone's trashcan
a drunk person
unidentifiable body hair
a rock
dry grass and chewed cud
raw fish
smelly French cheese
assorted nuts, berries, and insects
someone's eggs
whatever bark or dry grass you can find
seeds. Lots of seeds. And chalk.
Whatever, man. As long as it's free.

What does your family think of you?

I'm the bees' knees.
I dunno.
I'm sort of 'the middle child'. They don't notice me.
Screw them.
I'm cute and popular.
I still live with them, so...
They're a bit confused about why I've been engaged eight times.
I butt heads with Dad a lot.
I'm kind of a leech.
I'm smoooth and I get all the dudes/ladeeez. They're proud of me, lol.
Whatever they say, their word is law.
Probably stuff, but they didn't get me an iPhone, so who cares?
All kinds of shit, when they're not insulting me to my face. I have the worst luck.

How would your friends describe you?

I have friends?
Very well. They're all jealous of me.
I don't know.
I'm awesome, unless they're backstabbing $%#^s.
What's more important is how I'd describe them. To our other friends.
I dunno, I'm cute, right?
I fly off the handle sometimes.
I'm the cool one.
I'm popular, especially with the opposite sex, the same sex...just every sex, really.
Friends? Dude, I have to study.
Whatever they say, I'm more awesome. Maybe? I think?
Whatever, man.
Have they noticed me?

What does your significant other, if you have one, think of you?

I don't really do the pair-bonding thing--we show up, I lay my eggs, and then I'm out.
They're confused by what I am, but they accept me. Good thing, because poison spurs, dude.
I don't think they notice me.
I kinda go through significant others quickly.
I don't care! We have mad squirrelly sex!
Which one?
I'm smelly and hairy, but they love me. Until the wet season.
It's casual. I sorta show up, do my thing, buzz around, and leave them with the maggots.
I'm big, beautiful, and strong. And I wrecked their truck.
Which one? Haha, I got so much gaaame.
Dude, what? I'm busy studying.
Did they say something bad? I'm going to wreck someone's day, I fricking swear...
Probably something awful. If I had someone. Sob. My love life is conducted shamefully and in the
dark.