Which Ancient Civilisation are You? Which ancient civilisation would you fit right into in the Classical world? foojer published on February 04, 201419 responses 3 4.6★ / 5 Questions in vertical order Your calling in life? Spare the humble and vanquish the proud. It wouldn’t hurt to win prestige and wealth from doing so too… Pursue excellence in all its forms - music, art, poetry, civic duty, public speaking… war is necessary but it’s not all that great. A good punch-up now and then, but mostly honest living. Trading, travelling, craftsmanship and art are noble pursuits, but so are farming, fishing and the like. Be part of a divinely-chosen empire that claims all corners of the earth! Lucky for everyone else our empire is just as good at promoting peace and prosperity as it is clobbering people. Just get by, honour the gods and do well. I wouldn’t mind doing most things: farming, fishing, hunting. It’s good to get spare time to get into music and fun too. Art! What say you to it? It’s a good way to show off my wealth. You see that one? Taken from those rich fops in the east. That mosaic on the wall cost me a pretty penny too, but it was worth it, no? Ah, the beauty of the human form. Such exquisite curves, musculature. The human body really is a marvel to behold. The male body in particular... I guess I’m not much for depicting the human form. But intricate, swirling patterns are great fun! Art… well I suppose it’s a good way to showcase the timelessness and good order of our kingdom. Expression and experimentation is… not my thing. Art should have standards of beauty to it, there should be rules. I’m bored! What should we do? Let’s go watch some human filth tear each other to pieces, or get torn to pieces by wild beasts! After that we could go to my mate’s banquet and gorge ourselves till we’re ready to throw up. Let’s go watch a play! Maybe a tragedy, or a comedy? Or there’s a travelling teacher in town, he’s all about how all the world is made up of a few basic substances, could be interesting. Let’s get a good singsong going with some mates! There’ll be food, dancing, lots of laughs, maybe a good punch-up too. Or… we could go ask the village headman if he needs extra hands for the hunt? Well the King is in town, we could watch him hunt down some ferocious lions? I mean it doesn’t seem terribly fair, him being in a chariot and all, with a dozen soldiers with him, but he is the King… Anyway there’s bound to be some good eatin’ there. How about a fancy banquet? There’ll be plenty of booze, pretty dancing girls to look at, jugglers, wrestlers, should be fun. We could take a dip in the river afterward. I’m thinking of wearing trousers more often, what do you think? You know they’re exclusively for savages and/or wimps who can’t handle the cold, right? Good idea, they’re comfortable and practical. Hmm I’d prefer a nice, elegant robe, but they’re still a must when it comes to horse riding. In this weather? Are you nuts? Look at those slaves, breaking their backs in the sun. Should we help them out? HA! Oh, sorry you weren’t joking? Look, they’re slaves, if you feel that bad you could pay to free them later. Meantime someone has to do the grunt work, and that someone ain’t me. Technically they’re not slaves. Well, some of the farmers are basically slaves I guess. Someone has to do the heavy lifting! They get the dangerous, nasty work done. Tough nuts for them, I’m afraid. Women are... ...I'm sorry, was that a question? They're good for making and raising kids. They'd better behave themselves though and keep their mouths shut. And none of that see-through silk dress nonsense that I've been hearing about. ...kinda gross to be honest. They're just not as smart as men really, and didn't some really smart guy once say they're just deformed men? Talking (among other things) with another man, especially a young man, is much better! ...kinda neat I guess. They're good at raising the kids and looking after the house. And honestly they're not too shabby when it comes to a fight. ...sometimes pretty cool. I'm ok with them learning to ride horses and even managing finances, as long as not too many of them do it. They're also great for making babies, and goodness knows we need to keep reproducing to stay strong! ...actually pretty cool. They do a good job working in the fields like the men do, and we've actually had a few female rulers who didn't do too badly at all. You are King for a day! What do you see yourself as? A first among equals! I mean I also have the backing of all the soldiers in the land, and if you know what’s good for you, you’d better not try my patience. But still… first. among. equals. A person of excellence, someone who is strong mentally and physically - a philosopher King perhaps? A Saviour? Someone with some fancy titles in front of their name, anyhow. A regular enough kinda guy… Definitely the toughest guy around but nothing terribly special. Give me a nice house and good food, and I’m happy. The chosen one of Heaven. It’s not all fun and games though - I have a duty to keep the world in one piece and make sure all men enjoy the blessings of my rule! A child of the gods. I’m calm, benevolent, godlike… I get to wear a nice hat and marry my sister. …Why are you looking at me like that? The gods… …told us to spare the humble and vanquish the proud, which is what we do best. You’d better treat the gods with respect and offer them the right sacrifices, or things won’t go well for you or yours. It’s ok for the neighbours to worship their own funny gods up to a point - but if it threatens our gods’ disapproval, they’ll just have to cut out all that foreign nonsense and worship correctly! …well they’re a funny lot. In a way they’re basically just like us mortals, and then there’s the thing where our gods and other people’s gods are kind of the same… And then if you think of it another way, there’s only one supreme matter behind it all. It’s all terribly confusing sometimes. Anyway, offer them the right sacrifices if you know what’s good for you. …can be scary sometimes. If they make the sky fall down, that’s it for us. So keep them happy with the right kinds of sacrifices! A fancy sword often makes them happy. There’s a bunch of pious chaps who know the gods’ songs and tales the best, so ask them what to do if you’re in doubt. …well for starters there’s just one, really. He likes our people the best and he made the King ruler of the whole universe, so we’d better listen to the King. Our god is always locked in eternal struggle with his evil counterpart too, so we’d best keep on our toes. He loves fire and hates bugs and lizards, so that’s a good place to start. …there are so many of them it boggles the mind. The King is their representative though, so I guess you can start from there. Now we all know that after the body dies, the soul goes on and on, so it’s good to start thinking about the afterlife when you’re young. Be a good person in this life - you don’t want to fail the gods’ test just before the hereafter. Also, cats. That kingdom next door wants to pick a fight! What to do? Give the ne'er do wells and the thugs a job, they can do the fighting. Give them some good gear and encourage them to be the meanest, toughest bastards around (not that they’d need much encouragement). Also never, ever give in. Fight dirty if you have to but never give in. Nobody messes with you and lives to tell the tale. And after you kill them you can take their stuff and give that to your soldiers. Which means they'll just want to keep killing more people and taking more stuff, but we'll find worry about that later. Get the citizens to stand side by side, united in their love for hearth and home. There’s nobody tougher than the citizen body standing firm too, so they'll do fine. Too bad they have to pay for their own gear, and they'll have to give up the soldiering during harvest time. Now if only we could pay some people to do this kind of thing full time... You and everybody you know loves to fight, so honestly there's nothing to it. Elegant longswords are nice but a bit out of your price range... Oh well, a shield and a stout spear are good enough. You're a big guy too so that'll help. And it's totally cool to charge around naked, just sayin'. Bring in all the soldiers, from all the places! I mean you can really only trust those from your own race, but every little bit counts. Most of your men won't be terribly good in a fight but you've got a few hardcore mates to count on (some from your own race, some of them hired). You yourself are an excellent rider and handler of the bow and spear, on foot and on horse. All the chariots. Your best troops will be fancy hired foreign types, maybe those clanking, armoured chaps from the west, or those annoying pirates who’d actually make excellent paid stooges, obedient and tough as nails. Your declining years are coming. What's the best way to go? Slowly lose your power and become irrelevant, then get replaced by a bunch of stinking, moustachioed morons. That's ok though, you've got a really clever relative living in the east who'll keep your memory going. Keep saying nasty things to your friends while ignoring the slobbering savages to the north who kind of look like they'll cause trouble later. Whatever, there's catty letters and passive-aggressive speeches to give in the meantime. Just kind of... fade away, I guess. In time you'll be forgotten and maligned as a dull-witted savage who couldn't even learn to write… but your music survives, as does your reputation for kicking ass. You're doing ok, minding your own business and doing well really, when some weedy kid (well, he seemed pretty weedy from a distance) comes out of nowhere and takes over your all your stuff. You'll have to answer to him for a while, but it won't last forever. You've been around for so long, it's honestly kind of a surprise when the end comes. A long line of bullies wears you down, the final one takes over for good... But your way of life still goes on. So... yeah.