My Life's Mask

Life Feels....Robotic

I feel like...life isn't really, how do I put this....adventurous anymore. I don't know what it is, maybe I'm muturing or something, but life doesn't seem to have that same....feeling like the olden days. Maybe that's why people like fighting or going off to wars, especially boys. Because it's exciting, you don't know what will happen, in a way, fun. But, everything seems....so routine. Everything feels mechanical, even things like love, kindness, dislikes, it feels too much like "it's just there". I guess that's why I came here...I was looking for-something more. But, the only emotions that I seem to feel are strong, sharp emotions such as hate and suffering.

Now let me explain, if you havent't left yet. I don't know how far other people have gone, and I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me, I'm telling you this because telling how I work makes me feel like I once did-alive.

The pain I felt through the years, it seems it's all like, well, this person is feelin' good, so let's give this pain all to Joshua, here. What am I going to do? I try to make my pain into strength. But the process....it's so unhuman like in a sense. Natural behavior is to have a negitive reaction to the pain. But, I've been so focused on not being emotional hurt...it's so selfish and I feel really bad. But I....can't stand *crying* pain.

*Wipes tears* Okay, enough breaking down.......see I'm doing it again....sorry. I need a minute. I'll type more later.....