Chapter 1 (Teaser)The wind rustled against the leaves as I lay my head against the pillow. It felt like it was stuffed with newspapers instead of feathers, but other than that, something was wrong. Something was very wrong. My mom had left a few hours ago, and had just called me, so I knew she was okay. What on Earth is wrong with me. I just can’t sleep. Maybe it’s the bright lights on the city street, maybe it’s the sound of car horns screeching, or maybe it’s- No, it can’t be.
I eventually pull out my phone, which is almost in pieces from dropping it so much, the camera’s fallen out of place and the sound buttons came loose. I stare at the screen, not even doing anything. Just looking into the light. I see little things, how the pixels turn rainbow when you stare at them for long enough, and how eventually the picture on the screen gets blurry in your mind, but it’s not blurry. It’s just a trick my mind is playing on me and I’m not falling for it. Eventually I open up an app, it’s called Neko Atsume. You just take care of some backyard and stray cats come and eat your food and use the cat toys you leave out for them. It’s oddly addicting a maybe even medicinal for my anxiety. It’s just so simple, the smiles on the cats’ faces, watching them play with little yarn balls, it’s just so relaxing. There’s this one cat I love; his name is Tubbs. It’s a big fat cat that always eats all your food. I always think of myself as Tubbs, but I’m underweight, so I can’t eat much anyway. But at least that’s how I feel when I eat. I put my phone down because there’s nothing to do, all my friends are asleep and the internet is down in this crappy hotel.
I still can’t fall asleep, and I still can’t figure out what’s wrong. My mom is back in the room, but she thinks I’m sleeping, when I’m really staring up at the ceiling. I hear couples walking down the halls, talking about how great their night out was. I wish I had someone. I don’t really have someone like that you know? All my friends have these awesome boyfriends who give them gifts and take them out. They all have dates for the dance. I don’t, not even close. I’m pretty sure every guy thinks I’m a lesbian because I’m always acting pretty flirty with my friend Anna May. We’re always together, it’s too bad she’s going to a different high school than me. She got into a fancy “magnet school” as they call it. It’s for good who exceed in everything (aka, Asians). Anna May is super excited about going, so I act happy for her, when really I’m always dying. She does these stupid things all the time but she doesn’t even know how dumb it is, then I have to go undercover like the FBI of friendship and make sure she’s safe. I tried telling her dating boys online isn’t good, I though she would have learned her lesson from last time. Last time this happened, I verbally attacked her boyfriend because I hated him, so as a thank you/ fück you for my actions, he sent me a picture of his dick. I was disgusted, I am never having sex. I never want to see that thing ever again. Just thinking about makes me sick.
My dog, Megatron, puts her ugly little rat face on my arm. I love her ugly little rat face. She always looks so content with life, she enjoys what she has. I wish I was a dog. Dogs don’t have to do homework, or take tests. Dogs don’t have to worry about getting into college, or who’s your friend and who isn’t. Dogs don’t have to worry about anything because we do everything for them. It sounds pathetic in words but it’s true. And it sounds fücking great. But, sadly, there isn’t any “magic” in this world so I’m stuck here. Stuck with jerk middle schoolers and problems. Surrounded by the arrogant and the unintelligent. But, I’m still here. So might as well make it worth it. But I can’t do that because I have something wrong with me, nothing is ever okay no matter what. There’s always something wrong right now because we’re human, and we have fears and extreme emotions. Plus, we can communicate. I’m sure other species can, but not like humans. Humans just use big gobs of sounds and all the combinations mean something different or nothing at all. I’m sure dolphins and puppies don’t go around all day saying “Go kill yourself you little ass!” like humans do.
So I’m asleep now, but I don’t know it yet, I think I’m awake, but it’s too trippy to be real. In dreams pandas can eat ice cream out of clarinets and makes sense. Hell, for all I know, I speak a different language in my dreams. Sleeping is super weird to me, I mean, we put on special clothes and get on mats designated for sleeping, and then we blink for about 9 hours and hallucinate.
So now I’m aware that I’m sleeping, and that’s fun because you can do WHATEVER you want. When you lucid dream, you can control whether you stop falling or not, and whether your evil math teacher kills you or not. In dreams, you can kiss your crush and then get married, all to your plan.
Of course staying asleep is hard. Your eyes just pry open but you’re in the middle of riding a bus with John Stamos in a teddy bear suit- and then- good morning!