The Blizzard

The Blizzard

I don't know what to say, The Blizzard has trapped 2 Kids in their house.

published on August 17, 20156 reads 4 readers 8 completed

The Blizzard

I watched the snowfall for an hour, the blizzard had raised the snow about 3 feet high off the ground.
I don't Think my parents will be able to come home tonight, so It was just me and my sister.
We never really talked to one another before, which she probably thinks as a good thing the last words we ever spoken to one another wern't the kindest.

I continued to watch the snow fall for another 20 minutes before I heard something in the kitchen,
a loud crashing noise, I got off the chair and place my bare feet on the cold hard wood floor.
The room suddenly became as cold as it was outside and only got colder the closer I got to the Kitchen.

I turned to take a peak, and it was empty No table, No chairs, Even the counter, Oven, and fridge were gone.
I heard a scream from upstairs. "Sarah!" I shouted as I raced up the stairsway as fast as I could.
I turned to the door with the Red door in the Narrow hallway.
I tried to open it but the Door was Locked, So I began kicking it as hard as I could, "Sarah!" I shouted louder with each kick.
Until it opened, It lead to a Forest, that seemed split in half the left half was full of snow along with a blizzard the Right seemed peaceful and had sun shining birds chirping.
"what the-"
my words got interuptted when she started calling my name.
"Sarah!" I ran into the blizzard Half following the sound of my sister's voice.
I ran and ran but I never found her her screams echoed thru the forest I doubt was a natural thing.

"Sarah I'm sorry" I fell down with my hands and knees on the snow.
"Why did you run after her?" a womans voice asked
"Because she's my sister..."
"You said it your self, No one would care if she disappeared"
"I didn't mean it, I was just Mad...Please Please I don't care what happens to me just make sure she's okay," I cried

and suddenly I was sitting back in the chair watching the snow
I quickly ran up the stairs and opened the door to my sister's room
there she was sitting on the bed reading a book.
Before she could speak I ran and hugged her as tightly as I could.
"I'm sorry Sarah" I said as tears fell down from my face.
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Comments (8)

Fej123
This story is quite good, I think you should continue it.
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on March 06
Lucky_Queen
Cool, but... Do you want a completely candor criticism or just leave it at 'cool'?
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RpgGamer
Criticise as much as you see fit
a writer cannot get better without hearing both negatives and positives of what they write
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Lucky_Queen
Yeah I guess I did...

And OK! I hope I was helpful!
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on November 03, 2015
RpgGamer
@Rebel_Fangirl Wow you Really went all out with this
and I'll try to respond to each point
1. yeah I go over Board with Capitalization alot
2. it was kinda an estimate, honestly When I wrote this story it was sometime at night, on an xbox 360 that disconnects and I was racing against the clock for a story because I can't save a draft on a 360.
3. Pure Bordom See More▼
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on November 03, 2015
Lucky_Queen
8. "door with the Red door"?
9. More specific description in this paragraph, too.
10. "interrupted," not "interuptted"
11. Who is he even talking to? Why is he sorry? Where did she go?
12. To connect the last paragraph and this one, just put the three periods after "I cried" and before "and suddenly." See More▼
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on November 03, 2015
Lucky_Queen
4. You should probably be more descriptive about the blizzard in the first paragraph. Talking about how white the world was, or maybe describing the frost and snowflakes frozen to the window, or something.
5. When they hear the loud, crashing noise, maybe they assume that it's something normal. Or maybe not. If not, they would be more panicked. Being more descriptive See More▼
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on November 03, 2015
Lucky_Queen
OK!
1. You have random words capitalized ("Think," "It," "No," "Even," "Oven" that don't need to be capitalized.
2. How exactly does the character know that the snow was 3 feet above the ground? Did they estimate? Was there a ruler outside? Did the weatherman say so?
3. Why did the character watch the snow for an hour and twenty minutes? And how did they See More▼
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on November 03, 2015
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on November 03, 2015
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on November 03, 2015