In a summary...

In a summary...

This is not one story. It's multiple "summaries," i.e. complex things made more simple. Stories, movies, events from history... anything really. If you have one or an idea for one, PM it to me and I can put it on here.

published on April 157 reads 6 readers 1 not completed

The Battle of Hastings pt. 1 @DaNerdBird

edward: i hate my wife i am never going to have kids
saxon man: okay, then her brother harold will take over when you die
edward: UGH no way hes an idiot and hes a godwinson, theyre not even royal! id much rather have duke william in charge
harold: wat
edward: NOTHING

harold: sailing, sailing, lalala... OH NO MY SHIP IS SINKING
william: relax, i have saved you
harold: yay!
william: and now you are my prisoner
harold: well that's just mean
william: imma let you go if you swear on this holy relic that you will support me as king
harold: ...or?
william: you die
harold: i swear i will support u as king
william: kk you may go now

saxon man: EDWARD IS DEAD THE KING IS DEAD
harold: imma be king now
saxon man: i thought you swore to support william
harold: lol nah he threatened me so it doesn't count for anything
harold: now gimmie the crown
saxon man: manners
harold : plz can i have the crown
saxon man: kk
saxon man: HAROLD IS KING LONG LIVE HAROLD

norman dude: william i have bad news
willam: wat
norman dude: edward died but harold is king now
william: asdfghkl I MUST PUT TOGETHER A FLEET AND SAIL TO ENGLAND AND KILL HIM
norman dude: but we dont have enough soldiers to take over the whole country
william: i can fix that


saxon man: wat are you doing
harold: waiting for william to come bc hes gonna attack
saxon man: kk but right now you need to get rid of some vikings in the north
harold: WAT ARE YOU JOKING?
saxon man: no, it is led by a man called harald hardrada, harold spelt with an a not an o. its gonna be harold versus harald
harold: woah confusing
saxon man: ikr
saxon man: also ur brother tostig who edward exiled... i think hes a little grumpy
harold: ugh sibling rivalry just reached a new level
harold: kk MEN MARCH NORTH SUPER FAST
saxon army: lets go

william: with your support harold shall die and i shall be king!
norman army: awesome
william: flemish are you with me
flemish army: yay!
william: bretons are you with me
norman dude: wait i thought we were fighting the bretons
william: nah, we are fighting the saxons
flemish man: maybe he meant the britons... the britons are the people who the saxons drove out when THEY invaded
flemish man: they live in wales now and are called the welsh
norman dude: wait wasn't that the celts
william: SHUT UP THE BRETONS ARE ON OUR SIDE
william: anyways, we will win bc we have a new war tactic that the saxons dont have
breton guy: wat is it
william: PONIES
norman dude: genius
william: you see the saxons are so dumb bc they only use their ponies for travel. we are smart so we have WARPONIES
norman army: woah
william: their kicks are lethal! their headbutts are formidable! THEY ARE ALMIGHTY!
william: also god is on our side bc harold broke his oath... pope you support me right?
pope: totes
william: LETS KILL SOME SAXONS
norman dude: that might be a problem
william: why
norman dude: there is no wind we cannot sail
william: ARGH

harald: kk so you guys need to be ready for the incoming saxon army
harald: they gonna attack us real soon but until then we will have a picnic
viking army: awesome
harold: CHARGE
viking guy: wait what
tostig: THEYRE NOT MEANT TO BE HERE YET
viking guy: but we dont even have our armour on
viking guy: and the weapons are mostly on the other side of the bridge
harald: RUN
saxon army: STAB HACK SLASH CHOP
harald: ACROSS THE BRIDGE PPL
saxon man: get them
viking guy: you cant say that
viking guy: "get" is a viking word didnt you know dat
saxon man: SHUDDUP
harold: CHARGE
big viking: YOU SHALL NOT PASS
big viking: TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND... owch...
saxon man: wait what just happened
guy in the river: i stabbed him, i floated underneath in a barrel so he couldnt see me
saxon man: wait are you serious or are you just making another j.r.r. tolkien reference
harold: shut up and FIGHT

saxon man: we won omg
harold: and we killed tostig and harald-with-an-a i think we are safe now
saxon man: nope, william has just arrived
harold: ugh whyyyyyyyyyy
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Comments (1)

Lucky_Queen
Best thing I have ever read. XD
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on April 15