why am i lorn?

sorrow of a sore throated, broken wristed girl. started: june 25th, 2019 ended: ?, ?, 2019

published 21 days ago5 reads 5 readers 0 not completed

one - who

hey there. i'm felix. lixie is a cool nickname, if you want to call me that, too.

i'm a girl, by the way. i use she/her pronouns. i am cisgendered. i have never once had a thought about dysphoria or wanting to become a boy. i am proud to be a girl.

i am an '07 liner. yes, i am eleven years old. my birthday is november 1st. i was born at around 7:53 am.

i'm bi. atleast, i think i am. it's currently june 25 and i've been confused for around three days now. i used to say i was lesbian, so if i say that i am lesbian, please bare with me, i'm confused.

since we're on the topic of sexuality, let me explain something:

i am bi but i am more into girls than guys. i don't like dating people who seem really immature. i do date guys, if that's what you're wondering, but it's very hard for me to get a crush on a guy. which is why i've been dating girls for such a long time.

i am also polyamorous. no, i don't care about having an open relationship. no, i don't care if my girlfriend/boyfriend goes and loves up on some random person, just as long as they love me still. i technically would say for myself that i'm not ready for a relationship at the moment. i broke up with my (now ex) girlfriend just a while ago, and she understands. she's moved on already and has a girlfriend who, i think, hates me. (it's a short story; basically, when me and her first met we got into a relationship from how strong our bond was. it happened so quick, so fast, then neither of us even asked the other if we would wanna  date. we just started dating. when we broke up, she told her (now) girlfriend that we had broke up, and her girlfriend said something along the lines of "lol, forget her, it's okay." the end.) anyway, i am single. i don't have a single person to love at the moment.

but i have a crush.

her name is nyssa. we've barely even talked, maybe once or twice or maybe even three or four times. she's already super sweet from what i can tell and is smarter than most of the people i know that are my age. i met her on w-ttpad (i have no idea why qfeast censors w/attpad, they probably only like it when people promote qfeast instead, oh well.) a while ago because i was telling her how great her stray kids fan fiction is (i actually don't remember. my mom is asleep and it's too early for me to be on my laptop to check, anyway.) and just because i messaged her doesn't mean that we instantly became friends. i only asked her if we could be buds around a day ago, and she said yes. so i'm happier now.

i also have a crush on a k-pop idol. of course, if one of my best friends found out about this (i don't really care if olivia sees this lmao, she's from school and we aren't really best friends, just barely even friends.) they would call me dumb or think of it as a joke. if you're wondering who that k-pop idol is, it's seo changbin from stray kids. i don't even know why i have a crush on him, he's not my ult bias, but if anyone were to gain a crush on him too i wouldn't blame them. he's perfect. and, that means a lot, coming from someone that doesn't even believe in perfect. his nose looks so boopable and everytime he smiles i smile too. he's contagious. i love him. everytime i see him i always get butterflies in my stomach. of course i wouldn't tell anyone that, though. he's so cute in my eyes. he's short, too, around 5"6' or something like that. i don't know, but even if he was some tall guy like hyunjin, i would still love him for who he is.

while we're somewhat on the topic of k-pop, yes, i like k-pop. big surprise. it totally doesn't look like my icon is felix or anything. anyway, you're probably wondering who i stan (stan as in know all of their names and faces and can tell them apart, not just because i know three members and think one of the other unknown members is cute.) and oh, boy, it's filled with girl groups. i'm a girl group enthusiast and i only officially stan two boy groups. let's cut to the chase. here's the list;

ULTS πŸ¦‹

FROMIS_9 - chaeyoung & gyuri

GWSN - miyauchi & minju

MONSTA X - hyungwon

STRAY KIDS - felix & changbin & hyunjin

SEMI-ULTS 🐌

TREI - changhyun

EXID - heeyeon

LADIES' CODE - ot3/ot5

OTHERS 🐞

DIA - jenny

TWICE - jeongyeon

BLACKPINK - jennie & lisa

PURPLE BECK - layeon

ATEEZ - san


now that that's done, you're probably wondering why i used nature emojis, too. that's because i love nature. of course, obviously, my favorite nature emojis (for animals, insects, etc.) are the butterfly emoji, snail emoji and ladybug emoji. i have more but i don't know what else to put on the list of k-pop groups, so bare with me, please. nature is one reason that my favorite color is green. but, then again, snail brainwashed me, so she's another reason it's my favorite color. i'm not mad, though. she's an amazing friend.

green isn't my only favorite color, though. so don't worry. i like pink and yellow, too. especially on cars. i wish that we had more cars that weren't so basic. we need more yellow and green cars, screw off with your white and red shenanigans. we aren't unique anymore. it's sad and frustrating. it sucks that yellow cars get pulled over the most, they're one of the coolest cars, just because someone is unique doesn't mean they're crazy. people are so dumb in this generation.

i'm a personal believer of self-love and being able to pick yourself back up again. as someone who is still currently trying to pick herself up, always remember there is someone there to help you, even if you don't know them. someone cares about you. i care about you. please be nice to yourself. i'm always here to help you. i suck at giving advice, but i hope that whatever i say will help you atleast a teeny tiny bit. it's better than nothing, i guess. always remember that sometimes you need to be independent. not everyone wants to deal with your problems (no offense, i made myself mad while typing that out.) 24/7, so always remember you need to have a little bit of motivation.

it's crazy how this is longer than most of the chapters on my w-ttpad stories. somewhere around 1,200-1,400 words.

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