The Bridge Fic(this story contains use of italics so im going to substitute that by putting italic writing in ~these~)
~I could write like this,~ but I could also write like this. ~This is nice and formal but I'm not formal...yet this occasion is. Oh well, my writing usually gets sloppy and slants when I write fast and I do really want to get this over with.~
I skimmed the bizarre note one last time, not sure what Gerard was talking about. That's when I saw it, a sealed envelope sitting on his immaculately made bed, which was really weird. I walked over to it and saw that it was addressed to me, my heart skipped a beat as my mind rushed through the worst and best case scenarios. It read:
I love you. I want, need you to know that. I love you so much it f*cking hurts. Just I'm scared it's not just me it will hurt if I don't do this. I don't want to hurt you. I don't know why I let you see any of the good in me, I should have let you think I was the dead thing that I am. It would have been even better if I'd just never gone back to that stupid record shop.
But...I would have never met you. Selfish. I was thinking of myself, I wanted you and I still do, Frank, I didn't think about the fact that maybe you'd end up feeling the same, that the cute little boy behind the counter would ask for my number. I didn't think about what always happens when I'm in a relationship, I f*ck up. I ruin it. I leave them broken hearted.
I know this is what I'm doing to you now, this isn't as bad as what I would do if I kept this up though. This whole illusion that I could maintain my end of a relationship. You've noticed, haven't you? I've been sleeping a lot more than usual haven't I? You smelt it, I could tell you were worried last night when I came home, I was acting a bit different, wasn't I? You're not the first person I've done this to.
This time will be different though. You can't help me, nobody can help me unless I can help myself, which I can't. They all try, they all think they're failures when they can't until one day I leave, not even a note to say goodbye. I'll feel guilty, So guilty that I'll clean up but be too scared to go back when I finally think I'm past it I know they won't take me back. I've done this to three people already. They say that 3 is a special number, be it bad or good, things usually come in three's so I've tried especially hard not to do this to you.
I reckon if anybody could help me it would be you but I can't be helped. So you can't. I don't want to make you think you're in the wrong for any of these things that I am starting to do.
So goodbye. You've kept me stable for a long time and for that I thank you, more than words could express, god damn it, THANK YOU. I still can't believe that of all people I could do this too, I did it to you. To make sure you don't try and follow me I'm going to make myself unfollowable. I feel I should properly end this where it properly started for us...
Don't do anything rash.
Don't blame yourself, just f*cking don't, that's why I'm doing this, so you don't blame yourself.
And lastly, find yourself somebody who can make you happy, the guy at the pizza place is pretty hot, not to mention sweet, I hear he's like us if you get what you mean...
Never ending love, even from whatever place I'm going to,
Something was on my face, oh, they were tears. My hands, wait, my whole body was shaking uncontrollably. This couldn't be the end! I wasn't holding his note in my hands, it was all a sick illusion, a nightmare, yea, it was a f*cking nightmare, nothing more nothing less. It wasn't though. It was real. I speed read it to find any hints of where he was going, I knew he had only recently left because the spilt coffee in the kitchen had still been warm.
Of course! 'I feel I should properly end this where it properly started for us.' But what did he mean? It couldn't be the record store where we met, it had to be our first kiss, upon the Overpass.
Lucky I was a good driver and it was the middle of the night or I would have been dead in these conditions at the speed I was going, one of his favourite albums was blaring through my speakers, helping pump the adrenaline through my body. And there he was. Looking over the bridge, about to step onto the railing. "GERARD!" I bellowed, pulling my car sliding to a stop and almost losing control. He looked back at me, regret and sadness filling his face. I jumped out and ran to him, grabbing him and pulling him away from the edge, hugging him tighter than I had in my whole life. Tears slid down my cheeks, Gerard's soon added themselves to the mix.
"I'm s-sorry." He choked out.
I gently lifted his chin upwards and looked him in the eyes. "Don't be, don't you ever be f*cking sorry," I whispered, planting my lips on his. He stared at me for a moment, in shock, then kissed me back, running his hand through my already drenched hair.