Jeremy. Can't. Floss. (A Crack One-Shot)

Jeremy. Can't. Floss. (A Crack One-Shot)

so, guys... I have a writers' block isn't that neat! So basically I'm going to write this CRACK fic about the fact that Jeremy Heere absolutely cannot floss. ENJOY!

published on April 217 reads 6 readers 5 completed

It's almost like it's a nightmare!

Jeremy nervously bursted through the doors; another normal Monday full of dreadful anxiety to be dealt with, preparing him for the week of the same bullshit. Though today, something had been off. Nobody had been acting normal- at least, not to Jeremy they hadn't been.


It had all started when his former bully, Rich Goranski, strutted up to him with a confident grin spread across his face. As Jeremy came to greet the boy, the first thing he had done was dance. No words, no actions, besides dancing.
"Uhh," Jeremy started as he raised a brow, "what are you doing?"
Richard stopped for a moment, placing a hand on his hip, the other extending to give the taller individual a pat against the arm. "I'm flossing, dude."
"Flossing?" His confusion only seemed to grow, more questions being dreadfully needed. "Aren't you supposed to floss with your teeth?"
Rich completely stopped what he was doing, becoming frozen in place for a moment before belting out with laughter. "Dude, do you not have a phone? A computer? At all? It's the new trend, man! Look it up!" A taunting chuckle filled Jeremy's ears as Rich walked away to head to the gymnasium. Jeremy had still been getting used to not having a SQUIP; it gave him all of the useful information so he would know what's going on. Of course, he had a laptop, but he really only used it for... well, you know.

Jeremy made his way to the cafeteria, heading towards his normal meeting spot with Michael. Seeing his best friend, Jeremy grinned, giving a wave from the distance as he approached the slightly shorter male. "Hey, Michael! Have you seen Rich yet today? He's acting kind of we—" Jeremy's eyes then widened in fear, his pupils shaking up and down as he studied his friend who had been dancing as well. It was the same exact dance that Rich had been doing too.
It was only then that Jeremy opened his eyes and realized what had been occurring in the environment around him. The tall boy fell backwards against the pillar behind him, his fingers twitching, gripping and ungripping repetitively as he glanced around the room. Almost everyone– about 93% of the entire school (including teachers!)– had been doing the dreadful dance that Jeremy had only been seeing for the first time today.
"Michael!? What's going on-?!" He jerked his head to stare at his close friend, who in return gave a grin and slid his headphones down to rest upon his shoulders.
"I be flossin', Jeremyyyy!" had been Micah's only reply, before he did a body roll and did other various dances as he left the cafetorium.

"Students!" Middle Borough's principle announced into a microphone, his voice being heard over the intercom. "Please make your way to the gymnasium, for the drama club has a very important presentation for everyone!"

As the students rushed to leave, Jeremy thought to himself– or, rather, he quietly talked to himself out loud– "Presentation?" He nervously fidgeted with the extra lint on the bottom of his cardigan, his eyes glancing down ti the floor tile, "Mr.Reyes never told us about a presentation." His anxiety became overwhelming as, by the time he realized there were now barely any students in the room (three or four at most), he needed to rush to the gym.

As he entered the room, it had practically been a living nightmare. Kids everywhere; no matter how big, small, hot, popular, or rejected they seemed, had been doing the same exact dance. Some kids had been facing each other in what seemed to be a face-off, being surrounded by others who had either been watching, betting on them, or doing the same, while others were alone or in a small group of people doing the motion amongst themselves. Jeremy found absolutely no place to go, but luckily of course it had been a drama club presentation, and as nervous as he had been for it, Jeremy had still been in the club, meaning that he was able to make his way backstage amongst the others.

Surprisingly (but thankfully), it seemed that nobody else in said club had an idea of what Reyes' plans had been either, which for some reason brought relief to Jeremy (it had at least been nice to know that other people were nervous about the same thing). He was glad to be surrounded by familiar faces; he had even spotted Christine, but she was next to Jake, casually conversating joyfully. With a brow slowly raising, Jeremy attempted to listen in on the conversation, though all he could hear was a "like this?" from Christine before everything had become clear to him. Even the innocent dorky girl had been swept up by the crowd, doing this dance that Jeremy had seen at least 100 times just this morning. Jake nodded, giving a happy thumbs-up as Jeremy sulked against the wall.
"I'm the only sane one here," He spoke to himself, groaning as he covered his eyes with a hand, "the world is ending and not even Michael will survive it..."

The curtains then fluttered open in the distance, Mr.Reyes stepping out into the spotlight with open arms, naturally a hot pocket in hand. "Good morning, students!" He greeted the sudden dancers, who some had stopped at his attention. Others were urged by teachers to stop as well, "My name is Mr.Reyes, and our wonderful drama students today are proud to announce our next big event!" The man introduced his students, Jeremy glancing around as everyone's eyes had been glued to the audience. Reyes took a bite from his hot pocket before spreading his arms once more, nodding at the attention. "I now present to you," Jeremy's sweat rolled down his cheek in fear as he nearly fainted from the next words spoken, "the Official Competition of Flossers!™" (Wasn't he just great at naming things?)

The club members trampled past Jeremy to the center of the stage, forming a line as they all began to dance simultaneously. Jeremy wanted to hide in the under-stage pathways; he had no idea how to floss. As he made his way to the stairs, he was then stopped by one of the faculty members, tapping against his chest harshly as they turned him back towards the stage. "Heere," they grunted as Jeremy anxiously babbled, struggling to keep his feet planted against the floorboards, "get out there!" Their sentence ended by gently shoving Jeremy out and onto the stage. He ended up losing his balance and bumping right into Rich himself, who, as blackmail, grabbed Jeremy's collar and placed him on the very left of the stage before planting his feet and doing jazz hands towards him. The rest of the members watched, getting the idea of following Rich's lead. They all began to shake their hands towards Jeremy to grab the audiences attention to him, the spotlight gleaming towards him and reflecting from his glasses. Jeremy began to panic, sweating tremendously and shaking slightly, before attempting to do the dance himself. It was easy, right? He had seen it enough from the people surrounding him, so he was sure he would have the right idea. Jeremy took a deep breath and looked towards the audience. All eyes on him. He attempted to repeat the dance that so many people had been doing


and he painfully failed at doing so.


The room slowly got silent and awkward as Jeremy slowly stopped what he had been doing, hanging his head in shame as people began to laugh at him. They belted out in laughter, giggles, chuckling, cackling, anything imagined could be heard by the entire school. Jeremy ran off stage, running a hand through his hair as he breathed heavily. Well, he wanted things to go back to normal after the SQUIP. He wanted to be a loser again, and in the course of at least ten seconds, his social status became lower than it had been even before the events. Michael had approached him backstage with a smile, patting his back. Jeremy felt pretty relieved that Mich had been there for him, giving a small awkward chuckle.
"Oh, Michael! Thank god you don't hate me forever or something."
"Of course not!" Michael's smile extended into a grin, "I can't suddenly hate my only-slash-best friend of twelve years just because he can't dance!"



"But I can taunt him about it for the rest of the school year."


The next thing Jeremy knew, he was in bed, and awoken with a jolt as he rose from his bedsheets, in a nervous sweat. He breathed heavily, glancing around the room before realizing, "Oh, thank god it was just a dream..." He reached over to his alarm clock, turning it off before going to open his laptop for his morning routine. "C-C-C-Come on..." he muttered to himself, tapping the touchpad before something appeared before him; but not what he had been looking for. Instead, a video game character appeared on the screen, above it the word 'Fortnite' gazing in the distance. As Jeremy raised a brow, music began playing, before...
The character began flossing.

Jeremy let out a loud shriek as he forcefully closed his laptop, wiping the sweat from his head as he leaped from his bed and on to put his pants on.



He definitely stopped using his laptop for awhile after that.
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Comments (5)

Aspen_Fire
I'm so happy this appeared in my feed
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What_A_Load_of_hOoEy
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Even if it is cursed πŸ˜‚
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Aspen_Fire
No, it's b o o t i f u l, c h a i l d
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on April 22
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on April 21
The.Ice.Is.Melting
Lmao this is GOLD. Jeremy's such a cinnamon roll.
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What_A_Load_of_hOoEy
Honestly poor Jeremy.
But yes
Cinnamon rolllll
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on April 22
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on April 21