Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

Just some quotes I made up you can comment and tell me which Quote you want I will try to update them every weekend!!!

published on November 15, 201374 reads 24 readers 5 completed
Chapter 1.

~Part One~

When life gives you lemons make lemonade and sell it for a dollar.

I don't want to get out of bed because then I have to walk and I don't want to walk because walking makes me lose weight and I don't need to lose weight because I'm already skinny!

I drove your car into a wall, you say it was on purpose, I say... Ya it was!

Teacher: Stop talking in class! five minutes later.... Teacher: Can you answer please? Me: :3 Nope cause I cant talk in class.

My friend said the only vegetable that can make you cry is a onion so I threw a watermelon at her.

So I told my mom I was trying to lose weight so that I could get out of a week of eating her horrible cooking.

Born free, taxed to death.

My fake plants died, because I forgot to pretend to water them.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

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Comments (5)

LOL thank you
on November 22, 2013
Lol! Awesome! I'm gonna read the akward moments thing again!
on November 21, 2013
had a good laugh!!
on November 21, 2013
Totally awesome and hilarious!!!
on November 17, 2013
Lol, too funny
on November 16, 2013