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A piece of good writing advice I was given for starting stories could help you a little. To capture the readers attention the most it's good to start with a sentence that makes the reader start asking questions. Something vague and out of the ordinary. Your first sentence is okay. The reader could be asking why she is running home and what she's late for, but I think it could be stronger if you started with something more vague and thought provoking if that makes any sense.
on August 15, 2016
I feel like your describing things too much where they don't need to be described. Dragging on by every little thing the character does is quite boring. But adding more to the conversation and what the characters emotions are will make your story better. Other than that its a pretty good beginning
on August 14, 2016